1. Today for a while I felt like had got my mojo back. I'm grateful for that while because even if it was only like an hr I felt like the old me that I loved being. Shes still in there somewhere and I am grateful for that.
2. I am grateful for that sandwhich that i brought from customs today because I gave half to simone and she seemed really happy and stoked about it and im grateful that I could facilitate that with a sandwhich even if it was the duration of whilst I was there.
3. I am grateful for coming up with a format for one of my major outputs. Even if it is only a format to commit to for now, I've been stressing out about it for a few days now and its good to have something to commit to working with for tomorrow. Hopefully i wont dream of paper folding and the A series tonight.
A positive story. Tonight as I did my usual night time cry which is becoming worse Simone came and gave me a hug and let me blurt out some things i've been holding in for a while now because I havnt wanted to sound like a broken record and make the mistake of being too honest and emotional and 'raw' all the time with everyone. This is a positive story because it reminded me of how I am surrounded by people who do care and in a weird way that people havn't just forgotten and moved on like i'm expected to have already done. It was nice to know that someone has noticed my effort and this is a positive story because I feel like in a way it makes me feel like its ok to still feel utterly devastated. So i can stop beating myself up about not being strong enough and guilty about feeling so sad. It was just really really lovely to have someone to just listen but actually listen.
I'll txt simone.
I know no one reads this and thank fuck to be honest. This is my 4th gratitude. I felt I needed to bulk the happy up a bit.
Fuck it ill do a fifth too. I'm grateful for the sound bottles make when you move them really fast (like when the wind goes over it or with you were to blow over it). It cheered me up today cause I thought it was hilarious and I actually quoted myself thinking 'thank fuck for the small things in life because the big things are too easily taken to seriously and just arnt as humorous'
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