1. Dave for inviting me to be apart of the bike crew. It was an amazing bike today. I really enjoy pushing myself to try new things and be adventurous outside of my comfort zone. I'm grateful for the seat pad. My ass is not feeling the pain it did last time for a ride that was half the length which I'm eternally grateful for. It was an amazing opportunity today and even though it didn't make my depression go away even for the afternoon it reminded me of many more things.
2. Linus for a delightful conversation today that made me feel interesting for all the quirks I had felt guilty for in the resent past. The me I was when I met. It's good to know she's not gone. I'm grateful for the conversation that reminded me that It's ok to be just me. Nothing more, nothing less. To stop trying to be more. It's what got me here in the first place. I can push myself to achieve more but I don't have to be more. I am enough. (great self-peptalking)
3. I can't decide between me or liam for number 3. Actually I'll just do a 4 as well. 3 goes to Liams comment in passing on my way home tonight. It sounded really genuine and made me feel good. I need to spread the same compliment to others. 'I'm proud of you.' It's really lovely to hear. I'm grateful for the support.
4. Me for my perseverance today. After hearing Liams passing comment it occured to me that I should give myself some credit for my perseverance today. I biked from my house to te papa and then the long way to lyal bay. As in through Kilburnie and it was exhausting. I thought I might throw up from pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. It reminded me a bit of how I felt after a rowing race. When your have to lean with you shoulders to convince your feet to try move forward to catch yourself. Today I am grateful for the strength I forget I have sometimes.
I txt Dave.
Today Dave and Jessie came over and lent me a bike cushion which was amazing. And then we went down to Te Papa to wait for the rest of the gang. Going down Taranaki st reminded me of how terrified I am of being on a bike. It makes my blood pump because it reminds me that I might die doing this or get injured. I was thinking about this tonight and I would never have done this so quickly if I no longer feared physical pain. It's an interesting position to be in. Anyway we biked the long way to Lyal bay and it was exhausting. In one way or another I've already covered this story. It was a lovely ride despite thinking I was going to die and being fucking exhausted. I really enjoy bike riding. I would love to bike around Europe.
Achieved: Huge bike ride, good conversation, lots of sweat.
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