2months

1. I'm grateful that Anny reminded me in the simplist of ways possible that the person is not the problem. The problem is the problem. The two things are never the same. This has come in handy to me the past few days in particular as I've reached this 'check point'. So I am grateful to be armed with this little nugget of wisdom.

2. I'm grateful of Liam taking my facebook off me. I went on it tonight for the first time in 16days and it did nothing but fill me with sadness. I got very upset and I'm grateful to not have that in my life on a daily basis.

3. Break time, I am grateful that I can now see the benefit of taking some time to sit by myself and just observe the beautiful landscapes of Wellington city. From being in the new building I have learnt to love Wellington for its beauty. Or rather I have taken notice of it. I will always remember it as it is over the past month as being an inspiration of knowing where I am. That sounds dumb but appreciating my locality is coming quite nice. Even if I dont want to stay here and I do want to move on, I appreciate it for what it is.

A positive story. Today I spent  an hour or two writing up how I felt on my phone and it made me realise that I have made progress. I may be starting fresh and from the deepest darkest shadows of my being but there is something to say about feeling like you have reached rock bottom. Like there is no future to imagine only constant pain, humiliation and sorrow, to start to see a future and potential plans. It was good to realise that these positive thoughts are sneaking into my mind and this is positive. This is progress. I don't think I could go any further backwards than I have because I've started looking for cars when I cross the road again. This is positive and I'm going to give myself a pat on the back it.

I'm at ends a bit here with my gratitude. My entire email was many little gratitudes and I would like to send it but I know it will only cause me pain. It would help no one, solve nothing and I'm not ready to be friends so it would only be confusing because its clear that I dont know what I want. I'm just letting what I think it right drive me. So I sent a txt to Joseph instead with my key point. No need to rambol.

Things: Slept in! Amazing. Designated thinking time. Redid my process wall at uni. Created a semi plan for some of it. Had a great chat with moan. Started firefly (I do feel like i have seen it before). Drank some beer by myself which was relaxing.