1. Hayden came in to see me at work today. Thats a huge big gratitude of my day. It was so good to see him again after sooo long. He mentioned the last time I saw him was at Ali Moys leaving party and I laughed. Ironic. I'm grateful that we both managed to make time to catch up. I've missed his friendship heaps, always managing to help me pick up the pieces of my failing love life. haha.
2. I had counselling today. We talked about the loneliness I've felt all my life and how thats effected the relationships I make with all people. I have this push pull thing going on where I can never figure out if I want to get close to people and then I let them get close and I draw myself away. I'm afraid of being deserted and so I do it first to make the inevitable pain easier. I'm grateful to have these conversations with someone who doesn't judge me. I'm grateful that I have this wonderful councillor who I feel comfortable with and doesn't make me feel bad about being who I am. I am enough.
3. I had work today. Actual paid work which is a laugh in itself. I'm grateful for the opportunity to do something else for a bit. It was good to have to go out and be told sit for 2 hours and just do nothing. I tried to enjoy my own company but I'm so glad Hayden came because I don't think I would of lasted any longer. I need to learn to be by myself. To enjoy my own company and I'm grateful for the opportunity to practice.
I'll txt Hayden.
Achieved: Went to counselling, had an early start to my day and enjoyed the morning, showered, went to work, caught up with Hayden, didn't cry when Ali came up on Simones screen saver which is a first. So I'm really proud of myself for that one. I might be getting better at handling the constant blows, constant reminders.
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